Lessons of Life with Manatee Max, Part III: Fondue
Along with Canada and its endless stream of bear-related suicides (3 more last Friday!), Fondue, and Cheese Fondue more specifically, stands as a bane of modern civilization. It embodies the flaws and shortcomings of our existence. Seriously. Join me as I break down the essence of this so called "fondue."
The Concept of Fondue:
A quick Wikipedia search brought the following to light:
Cheese fondue was invented out of necessity. In the remote and isolated mountain villages in the Swiss Alps people had to rely upon locally made food. During winter, fresh food became scarce. The Swiss found that melting stale cheese made it edible.
Well, shit. Are we in the Swiss Alps? NO. Are we in the French Alps? NO. Are we in the Alps at all? NO. Is 'Alps' a silly word that sounds incomplete? YES. But I digress. Next question. Is it winter? NO. Next question. Are we ever forced into eating 'stale cheese'? NO. Conclusion? MAKE A GOD DAMN SANDWICH YOU HIPPIE.
Therefore, it is clear that fondue over complicates an absurdly trivial issue. If you have bread and cheese, why in god's name do feel the need to cut up said bread and then proceed to ignite a continuous flame with the sole purpose of melting the un-stale cheese? Not only are you being vain and silly, YOU ARE UNNECESSARILY CONSUMING THE EARTH'S LIMITED FOSSIL FUELS!
Moving on, lets focus now on the communal nature of fondue. The first question that comes to mind is "why?" Why do we feel this need to share? Sure, its different, its a change from the 'norm.' But then again, thats why its not the 'norm.' Its frickin' stupid. I'll consume my saliva, you can consume yours. We face no shortage of dinnerware. There is no drought of dishes. We live in a market economy, not a damn communism. Seriously, I think even the Cubans would laugh at us. "Fondue." they'd smirk, "Fucking idiots."
In a society where promptness, hygiene, capitalism and evironmentalism represent several of the key advances in society in the last, oh, 6 billion years, some of us, for some ungodly reason, feel the need to revert to the traditions of starving, peasant, medieval, Swiss mountain farmers covered in cow dung, and in doing so contradict everything the 21st century stands for. Good job, morons.
-Max
The Concept of Fondue:
A quick Wikipedia search brought the following to light:
Cheese fondue was invented out of necessity. In the remote and isolated mountain villages in the Swiss Alps people had to rely upon locally made food. During winter, fresh food became scarce. The Swiss found that melting stale cheese made it edible.
Well, shit. Are we in the Swiss Alps? NO. Are we in the French Alps? NO. Are we in the Alps at all? NO. Is 'Alps' a silly word that sounds incomplete? YES. But I digress. Next question. Is it winter? NO. Next question. Are we ever forced into eating 'stale cheese'? NO. Conclusion? MAKE A GOD DAMN SANDWICH YOU HIPPIE.
Therefore, it is clear that fondue over complicates an absurdly trivial issue. If you have bread and cheese, why in god's name do feel the need to cut up said bread and then proceed to ignite a continuous flame with the sole purpose of melting the un-stale cheese? Not only are you being vain and silly, YOU ARE UNNECESSARILY CONSUMING THE EARTH'S LIMITED FOSSIL FUELS!
Moving on, lets focus now on the communal nature of fondue. The first question that comes to mind is "why?" Why do we feel this need to share? Sure, its different, its a change from the 'norm.' But then again, thats why its not the 'norm.' Its frickin' stupid. I'll consume my saliva, you can consume yours. We face no shortage of dinnerware. There is no drought of dishes. We live in a market economy, not a damn communism. Seriously, I think even the Cubans would laugh at us. "Fondue." they'd smirk, "Fucking idiots."
In a society where promptness, hygiene, capitalism and evironmentalism represent several of the key advances in society in the last, oh, 6 billion years, some of us, for some ungodly reason, feel the need to revert to the traditions of starving, peasant, medieval, Swiss mountain farmers covered in cow dung, and in doing so contradict everything the 21st century stands for. Good job, morons.
-Max
posted by ramundo at 4:47 PM
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