Ramundovision Cares, Part I

Ramundo, Max, Steve and the crew have decided to take the time to start a genuinely useful segment that will hopefully one day serve each and every one of Ramundovision's loyal readers. After all, what would the world be like if we didn't all give back to our community?

Ramundovision cares. Always remember.


To start things off, we present to you a link that one day may save your life.

How to Land an Airplane in an Emergency Situation

Ramundovision Cares.

Lessons of Life with Manatee Max, Part III: Fondue

Along with Canada and its endless stream of bear-related suicides (3 more last Friday!), Fondue, and Cheese Fondue more specifically, stands as a bane of modern civilization. It embodies the flaws and shortcomings of our existence. Seriously. Join me as I break down the essence of this so called "fondue."

The Concept of Fondue:

A quick Wikipedia search brought the following to light:
Cheese fondue was invented out of necessity. In the remote and isolated mountain villages in the Swiss Alps people had to rely upon locally made food. During winter, fresh food became scarce. The Swiss found that melting stale cheese made it edible.


Well, shit. Are we in the Swiss Alps? NO. Are we in the French Alps? NO. Are we in the Alps at all? NO. Is 'Alps' a silly word that sounds incomplete? YES. But I digress. Next question. Is it winter? NO. Next question. Are we ever forced into eating 'stale cheese'? NO. Conclusion? MAKE A GOD DAMN SANDWICH YOU HIPPIE.

Therefore, it is clear that fondue over complicates an absurdly trivial issue. If you have bread and cheese, why in god's name do feel the need to cut up said bread and then proceed to ignite a continuous flame with the sole purpose of melting the un-stale cheese? Not only are you being vain and silly, YOU ARE UNNECESSARILY CONSUMING THE EARTH'S LIMITED FOSSIL FUELS!

Moving on, lets focus now on the communal nature of fondue. The first question that comes to mind is "why?" Why do we feel this need to share? Sure, its different, its a change from the 'norm.' But then again, thats why its not the 'norm.' Its frickin' stupid. I'll consume my saliva, you can consume yours. We face no shortage of dinnerware. There is no drought of dishes. We live in a market economy, not a damn communism. Seriously, I think even the Cubans would laugh at us. "Fondue." they'd smirk, "Fucking idiots."

In a society where promptness, hygiene, capitalism and evironmentalism represent several of the key advances in society in the last, oh, 6 billion years, some of us, for some ungodly reason, feel the need to revert to the traditions of starving, peasant, medieval, Swiss mountain farmers covered in cow dung, and in doing so contradict everything the 21st century stands for. Good job, morons.

-Max

Stereotyping Steve's Guide to the World, Part II: Pembroke Pines, Florida

Overview

Pembroke Pines is first and foremost a peaceful and welcoming township. It should therefore not be confused with Pembroke, the bustling metropolis of southwest England. It should also not be confused with Silver Pines, located just a few exits north of the I-75. In fact its probably best not to confuse it with anything, really. Moving on, Pembroke Pines takes its name, apparently, from the mighty Pembroke Pine:


Population: 9,455 (2004, est.)

Local attractions: null

Curious Fact: Inhabitants of Pembroke Pines are nicknamed Pembroke Pines. Thus, if you were to live in Pembroke Pines, you would essentially be a Pembroke Pine.

Most Pressing Issue: Dwindling Population of Pembroke Pines in Pembroke Pines.

There are, the Pembroke Pines maintain, lots of Pembroke Pines to be found in Pembroke Pines. Their population, however is dwindling, according to University of Pembroke Pines herbologist Dr. Pembroke K. Pines (pictured right). Indeed, Dr. Pembroke Pines is alarmed at the shrinking numbers of Pembroke Pines in Pembroke Pines, and although the Pembroke Pines may claim that the Pembroke Pine is bountiful in Pembroke Pines, Pembroke Pines would argue that the Pembroke Pine is in fact an endangered specimen in the Pembroke Pines ecosystem, and that soon the Pembroke Pines will have no choice but to rename Pembroke Pines Pembroke Pine, and in a more distant future something to the effect of "Complement of Pembroke Pine," or perhaps "Distant Memory of Pembroke Pines." A foreseeable issue, therefore, is what will the Pembroke Pines of Pembroke Pines be nicknamed if the Pembroke Pine becomes extinct in Pembroke Pines as Pembroke Pines would have us anticipate? Troubled times ahead, to be sure.

-Steve